Some Time Ago, Almost All Of Us Were "Others".

Today's New Jersey State Senate vote against a bill that would legalize gay marriage is quite a hit to the cause of equality, the progressive community, and to me personally. To me, it is unconscionable that a legislative body could refuse their sworn oath to ensure that our laws uphold the Constitution, but that is exactly what happened this afternoon in the Senate chambers in Trenton.

While watching an online live stream of the debate, I was struck by the words of one particular Senator. Her name is Teresa Ruiz, and she represents District 29, which includes the very diverse city of Newark. Senator Ruiz is the first Latina state Senator in New Jersey's history, and her upraising clearly shined through with her words today.

While making her speech in favor of gay marriage, Senator Ruiz recalled her personal experience with being deemed "the other", concluding by stating she doesn't ever want to take a vote that says, "it's okay for me, but not for you."

Senator Ruiz's words are a subtle, yet powerful wake-up call to those who are in the laissez-faire camp when it comes to gay marriage - the people who say "it doesn't matter to me whether gay people can get married or not."

I am completely confident that a sizable portion of the individuals who feel this way were once classified themselves as "others", minority groups on the outside looking in, fighting desperately to obtain the rights they so deserved.

Specifically on the topic of marriage, it was not until 1967 when the Supreme Court legalized interracial marriage; and that was only two years after blacks received full suffrage rights with the outlaw of Jim Crow laws.

And it was not until 1920 when the Nineteenth Amendment to the US Constitution granted women full suffrage rights. Some of you who are lucky enough to have older grandmothers and great-grandmothers still with us have a direct line of communication to a time period when your female relatives could not vote.

I find this notion of "the others" in regard to women particularly of importance in the sciences. It was not long ago when a woman with a Ph.D. in the sciences was rarity; indeed, only a mere few decades ago. Thankfully, over the past 20 years or so we have started to come to our senses as a country and have supported women in science extensively, yet there is even more to be done in order to ensure that women have the opportunity to vie for and succeed in getting more leadership and high administrative positions.

Finally, I want to end with a comment about the entire process of legislating civil rights. Personally, I don't believe that civil rights should ever be put up for a vote in the first place, as I believe they are innate for all humans, but because the forces of inequality and bigotry are still strong, it is responsible that we have tenable legislation to protect our inalienable rights. Opponents of gay marriage often project a desire for this issue to be decided by the people via referendum, and fortunately for them, every time that gay marriage has made it to the ballot it has been rejected.

Perhaps some of you are thinking, "well, it was the will of the people, so we must accept the outcome." I would counter with this then: what would you say if women's suffrage was put to a referendum and failed? The response I'm sure I would get would be something along the lines of "why, there's no way that women's suffrage would ever be rejected!" Of course, in 2010, that is the case, but back in 1915 in New Jersey, it was a different outcome; a special election referendum proposing to legalize women's suffrage failed 58-42%.

Obviously, it is 2010 and not 1915 (thankfully), but the overall point remains - many of our civil rights that we take for granted were at one time forcefully kept from us. Luckily, at least for women and black suffrage and interracial marriage, we have progressed as a society. In our society, however, we still have "others" who are treated as lesser men and women by their peers, an attitude that was disgracefully upheld today in the New Jersey State Senate.

As a white, straight male, I am part of a unique group that has escaped "the other" status. White men have long held power and have crafted legislation that benefits them keeping their power. Thankfully, I am cognizant of this fact and strive to ensure that we no longer have a need for our friends to be deemed as "others".

As a white, straight male you may not think that the issue of gay marriage means much to me - I hope that by reading this I can convince you otherwise.